I am waaaaaaaay too sleep deprived for my natural happy state of being. Also, going from living on the ground floor of a single storey house, to living on the top floor of a three storey building provides an interesting work out for the heart and for the calves. Especially the calves really.
My room is cosy and warm. Now that I'm in my oddly-triangular shaped room, I actually quite like it. Except for the lack of sunlight. But really, I do like it. I have it arranged in a way that makes me happy, maintenance came in to fix my shelf that was missing a peg - so now I can store stuff on it without it going "whoopsie-daisy! you're not gonna store anything on me! hahahahahah!".
The only downside is that it's right next to the stairs. This flight of stairs goes from the bottom floor to the top floor. This means that I can hear everything that goes on.
I discovered this at approximately 3 am this morning, when the people coming back from the clubs came in very loudly and drunkenly.
This makes for a grumpy me. I don't like being grumpy and made my best efforts to not be grumpy.
Due to neither Lana nor I having enough of anything to make proper breakfast, we went on a breakky run to grab what we needed (I FINALLY HAVE OJ! this provided me with so much happiness, it is a little ridiculous), but ended up running slightly late to our "meet and greets" with the rest of the people in our respective courses.
I hate running late. It stresses me out and makes me feel rushed and a little upset for the rest of the day.
Not only was I late, I was in the wrong group. This was horribly embarrassing to me. I don't know why it was, but it was. I felt really stupid.
Anyway, we got a "grand tour" of our wing of the university. It looks fairly cool. I don't know what I can say that sort of encompasses the overwhelming fear and awe I had looking at the technology, or the sinking feeling I got when I realised that I not only needed a lab coat and glasses, which costs about $40 together, but a $161.95 textbook on top of that. I thought I had everything, and that I was so organised, and it turns out that I wasn't at all.
I booked an appointment with the disability services today as well, mainly because I don't have very good mental health. I have General Anxiety Disorder - which means that lots of little things can make me feel incredibly anxious and upset, to the point where I get migraines, shooting pains up my legs and arms, go off my food, lose weight, get sick, lose sleep, which means I feel grumpy and not well, which leads to less of the "quality" sleep. To combat this, I'm medicated. But lately I've been feeling extremely up and down as I deal with my List of Things, and I think I need some help with it. I've gone from seeing a psychologist every three weeks for 12 months, to nearly four months without any help, and it's taking it's toll.
The reason I mention this, is because since I've been here, I've been asked quite a few times if I'm "going out" on the pub crawls and stuff to get drunk. The nature of my medication means I can't drink at all, so I just say I don't drink. But this has led to some weird looks from the other people around me and I sort of feel a little like I'm being judged for not drinking.
This is making my head hurt just trying to work out why I'm just so uncomfortable about it all.
The people in my unit seem nice enough. I seem to meet people everywhere, and they're all just as uncomfortable as I am, at least outwardly. Today I met a boy called Adrian ( I think?) while I was holding Lana's place in the dinner line. He seemed okay.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking to the guys here. Up until I met Noel, I had a very hard time believing when people said I was pretty or anything nice like that at all. I"m really not very good at taking compliments. I'm acutely aware of being watched or looked at and I'm not sure that I like being so wary. But the thing is, I also feel like if I'm not wary and watchful, then ... I don't know. Maybe something bad will happen? I'm not sure. I just feel like I have to be constantly on my guard and protecting myself.
Anyway. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet night in bed, talking to Noel, watching Big Bang Theory, and having a cuppa.
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